


Well I'm afraid that I

by MyChemicalMax00



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Break Up, Crying, F/M, Happy Ending, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Late at Night, Letters, M/M, POV Brendon Urie, Past Relationship(s), Past Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Past Tense, Ryan Ross's Rose Vest, Ryden, Sad Brendon Urie, Sad Ending, Sad Ryan Ross, Sad with a Happy Ending, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 06:24:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17218646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalMax00/pseuds/MyChemicalMax00
Summary: "Well I'm afraid that I".That's when Brendon realises he's in love, but it's too late.He'll never escape those perfect sounding words as he reads Ryan's note. Guilt and dread sinking into his bones as he understands that Ryan's gone forever.





	Well I'm afraid that I

**Author's Note:**

> You rats are lucky ig  
> I'm writing this at 2am rip  
> I'm shitty at writing tho don't attack me lmao

It was at the Devour show Brendon realises that he was in love with Ryan. He was able to pinpoint the exact moment his heart melted at the realisation but dreaded, dreaded what to do.

They were playing Karma Police, a classic everyone adored and got along with. It was the part for Ryan to sing, as soon as those damned beautiful words left Ryan's mouth Brendon felt himself crumble under the weight and power of them. Ryan said them again, with more power and this time his heart fluttered and made him gasp, blushing. Ryan sounded so beautiful, perfect and melodic Brendon nearly forgot to carry on playing.

It wasn't just that, throughout the night he'd keep glancing at Ryan. Just wanting to see that beautiful milky brown hair spiking up, his makeup expertly put on and framing his cute face, and those eyes; damn those eyes. Brendon got shaky just thinking about them, blushing like a schoolgirl. Ryan's eyes were filled with warmth and hidden enjoyment, he was loving hearing the fans screaming the lyrics he wrote back at them all, playing with the band he cared deeply for. He was the heart of the band, fuelling it. Brendon loved the way Ryan's intricate rose vest fitted him, it made him more charming and adorable. Which was probably why Brendon had hidden anger and jealousy when those dancers went over to touch Ryan, he didn't like it one bit.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As soon as Brendon had read that letter his heart sank, he felt sick and as if wen his very soul was panicking. Ryan left, he was gone.

_Dear Brendon,_

_I know this will be as difficult for you to read as it was to write and I'm truly sorry that this has to be it._

_I'm leaving the band, I'm leaving all of you guys. It probably won't make any sense to you because of how much I'm enjoying touring and seeing fans, the band is growing so big. Though the reasons I'm leaving are quite simple and there are three. Firstly, I know your dreams for music are very different to mine so I don't want to stop you, you're amazingly talented and I'm not going to stop you. Secondly, I don't think I can really handle all this attention by the fans, it's too much and I know you'll understand that. And thirdly, you may not be able to believe or understand this but I'm in love with you Brendon, I'm not explaining why I love you but I can't let my love get in the way any longer. That is all_

_I hope you don't hate me and I give my best wishes, you're going to get so far._

_Love by Ryan xx_

 

Brendon felt his heart stiffen up with sadness as he became crying. Fat tears rolling down his face and he let out a choked cry of emotional pain.

Spence must've heard that because he walked into where Brendon was, face filled with worry. He asked what was wrong and Brendon threw the letter at him in a way that you'd think he was a spoilt child wanting more presents. That night he went to sleep with Spencer, lightly sobbing until he was too tired out.

 

Brendon's heart just wouldn't stop aching, especially since Jon was leaving as well, Brendon didn't care that he needed more players for the band he just wanted his friends. He spent so many nights thinking of if he wasn't such a stupid bastard he could've actually gotten with Ryan, he loved him back and even if Brendon only just realised that night he knew it was special.

...

It had been nearly 10 years since Ryan, Jon and Spencer left. Brendon had mostly recovered, he didn't think bout it anymore.  
He finished the first leg of the Pray For The Wicked tour and was relieved. He was relaxing at the beach with Sarah, this women he was so deeply in love with had married him and he was still elated about it. Anyone could see they were in love.  
They were walking down the beach together when Brendon saw someone, they caught each others eyes and both stopped breathing for a short second.  
George Ryan Ross was staring bewildered at Brendon, not knowing what to do. They both changed so much but they both knew, the knew.  
Only when Brendon gave him a huge smile and a look that said it all could they both carry on walking.  
They knew they'd see eachother again.


End file.
